


Anachronistic

by Scorpiokagamine



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-15 12:26:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2228967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scorpiokagamine/pseuds/Scorpiokagamine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Listen to me Eren. This is your chance. You're one and only chance. I can't trust myself to keep you as safe as you would be here. There's been...too many...close calls, alright? Now just...please...-"</p><p>"What about you?"</p><p>"Don't pull the waterworks on me, brat. Don't make it harder than it already is."</p><p>"But...Levi-"</p><p>"Chibi...please. I'm begging you. Please...just stay here. Where its safe."</p><p>"But what-about-about you?"</p><p>"I'll be safe. In this world, promises amount to nothing, but...please believe me when I say I promise I'll try." </p><p>"Promise?"</p><p>"Yeah, kid. I promise. Just...please, Eren. Do as I'm asking...this one time.You'll meet people...actual people again, and not the infected. You'll make friends...They'll be good people, people who don't look at you and feel...sad and ashamed for having to put you through all of this..."</p><p>Last of Us!AU<br/>(Formerly called "Our Paths Crossed...(But We Never Met)")</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Someone (To Watch Over Me)

"Have you heard...? About what happened in the east...?"

"They say there was an outbreak. do you think it'll come here soon?"

"Ya'll are just a bunch of pussys. Of course they ain't comin' here. The military said-"

"When have you ever believed what the military said?"

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Mommy? Can we go to the fair today?"

"Sure, honey. Anything you'd like,"

"Can I ride the Ferris wheel again?" 

"Uh-huh,"

"Can I eat cotton candy too?"

"Sure, sweetie. Anything you'd like..."

 

 

.

 

.

 

"Mommy! Mommy, look! That nice man over there gave this to me!"

"What is it?"

"Look! See! He said it was a...a...a-"

"A...?"

"A...marble?"

"A marble? Let me see,"

"See? it's really pretty, Mommy..."

 

 

.

 

.

 

"That was a lot of fun, Mommy!"

"I'm glad you liked it. Now, come along. It's time we went home to Daddy. Don't you want to tell him about what happened today?"

"Un!"

 

* * *

 

 

Something about the clouds...

Looked so menacing that day...

All gray and overcasting,

A smoky gray that hinted at rain...

As if the sky was getting ready to cry...

....

 

* * *

 

 

"We have to hurry home!"

"Run!"

"Hurry! Go!"

"What's going on?!"

"They're coming!"

"We have to go!"

Mommy...?

"Eren! Eren, I need you to listen to me. We're going to play a game.

You like games, right-?"

"AAAAAAH!"

"Get outta the way!"

"We'll play tag. Mommy's it, alright? but I need you to remember something.

No matter what happens-"

"This isn't the time to be worrying about your hair!"

"Just leave it! Your life's more important!"

"I need you to keep running, alright?"

"Nooo!"

"Why?!?"

"Just...Keep running, Eren! Don't look back-"

"How could you do this to me?!"

"Why, God?!"

"Mommy will always be right behind you. So just keep running, alright?

Run as fast as you can-"

"Why would you leave me?!"

"Don't leave me!"

What happened?  
What's going on...?  
Where'd my mommy go?  
Does anybody know?  
Anybody...?

 

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

My balloon and me. Alone and afraid.

The butterflies flew...and...I lost myself as I chased them. Alone and afraid, I stuffed them in my pocket.

I stare at my trembling hands with eyes red from crying.

The marble shines in my clasped fingers 

I really am...all alone now...

...

...

...So, let's go home.

We'll tell Daddy all about today.

 

* * *

 

 

"That was fun, Mommy!"

"Hee hee. I'm glad you liked it! Now, What do you want to play next?"

"Umm...oh! I know! Let's play hide-and-go-seek!"

"You love playing that game, don't you?"

"Un!"

"Its alright, love, there's no shame in saying when you love something."

"Well...I love apples! oh, and running!"

"Oh? but you always come in last in a race!"

"Yeah, but that's because Mikasa wants to join track when she's older. And just because I'm bad at it, doesn't mean I don't like it!"

"Really?"

"Yep! And...and...I love Mommy the best!"

"Well, and Mommy loves you, too."

"Hahaha!"

"Hee hee!"

 

* * *

 

 

I’d always meant to go see you again, but now it’s too late.

The world is over, but we might wake up again...

 

...it doesn’t matter.

You’ll never find this letter.

 

And even if you do, what will the awakened world be like?

Will the stars still be in the sky?

Will the moon still shine down on us?

 

...

...will we still be worthy of them?

 

* * *

 

 

Oh, how do I possibly express  
this feeling of remorse?

 

 

 

Nothing fitting comes to mind.  
It seems no word in the whole entire world  
could possibly do it justice.

 

 

 

 

No, it's something more than that...  
This world  
only offers empty promises.  
Words themselves  
hold no true meaning anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

I no longer have any need for impressive  
words. This simple one will do.

"Tomorrow"

...doesn't even exist.

 

* * *

 

 

Prologue-1998

 

A flicker crosses the dark glass of the TV screen. The TV turns on and off in the empty room, the light hitting the many objects scattering the room. Then, finally-

The TV turns on, revealing the image of a brightly lit wooden chestnut floor. The words " _Rec_ " appear, blinking on the top right hand corner of the screen. A red circle shines beside it.

"Is it on, Honey?" a female's voice calls off screen. A small gasp resounds in the empty room.

"Yes, its on," says an irritated voice behind the camera. Shoes- slippers appear at the bottom of the screen, scraping the wooden floor- _scratch, scratch._ A date appears on the bottom left hand of the screen; _March_ _30,1998, 7:01 AM._ "Grab the presents, dear- I'll get the cake." The camera view swings from the floor to a doorway into a bedroom. The bed is covered in bags and boxes-most likely the presents the female voice spoke of. a hand reaches out to grab a few presents before swinging again. this time, the view is down a dark corridor.

"Did you get them?" a voice whispers beside the camera."Yes," the male voice behind the camera answers, whispering as well. The camera moves forward. Off screen, the sound of a lighter being flicked on and off, trying to catch. The soft _hiss_ as something-a candle-is lit.

The camera comes to a stop in front of a pale white door. The two voices whisper to each other before a hand slowly reaches for the handle of the door and opens it. The door lets out a soft sigh as it opens, granting the pair the element of surprise by not creaking at all. The picture of a small boys bedroom- the walls painted black and glow-in-the-dark stars glues to the walls- fills most of the camera's vision. clothes and toys cover the floor. In the middle of it all, a small boy sleeps, covered in his galaxy covers and sheets. "We should've made him clean this up Last night," the female voice whispers disapprovingly.

"Too late now."

The pair then silently start to count down from three. "3-2-1-Happy Birthday!" they shout the last part, waking the boy.

"Mommy? Daddy?" the boy says, sliding out from the sheets and sitting up. He rubs his eye with his fist, confused.

"Happy Birthday, Eren!" They say loudly again. "Huh?"

"Its your birthday, silly!" the female voice, his mother, says. "Make a wish!" they sing "Happy Birthday" as he blows out the three candles, cheering him when he makes a wish. "Presents!" He demands immediately. the brown haired and green eyed boy reaches over the cake and at the camera, begging for his presents. The man behind the camera, his father, chuckles as he hands them over.

"Read the cards before you open them, Eren," he tells his son right before he tears the wrapping of a present. The boy immediately stops and blushes sheepishly. His mother giggles.

Eren reaches towards the present again, tearing off the card and opening it. "To-a-very-" he reads it slowly, a his face scrunching up in concentration. "-Special-three-year old." He opens the card. "Hap-Happy- Birth-day-Birthday-Love, Grandma." he places the card down beside him and rips open the present. his parents laugh over his peals of delight. "What she get you, son?" the father asks.

"She-She got me a _Nerf SuperMaxx 3000 8-Shooter_!" the boy exclaims.

"Show it to the camera, sweetie," the mother tells him. Eren holds it up to the camera, showing it off.

"What's in the next one?"

Needing no more promoting, the boy tosses the first present and opens the next, and the next, his parents laughing over his whoops and cheers. He rushes out of bed, telling his mother to cut him a slice of cake for breakfast," Since I'm a man now!' and darts from room to room, finding presents from his friends and his parents where his mother hid them.

The video fast forwards through this moment, and comes to a stop at a picture of the boy and his parents hugging, their faces covering the whole screen. it plays. "Thanks, Mom. Thanks Dad." the boy mumbles into their shoulders. His mother runs her fingers through his hair while his father pats his back.  The scene blinks out, disappearing abruptly into darkness. But it blinks back, now showing an image of the boys' father. "Happy Birthday, Eren," his father says directly into the camera. "Three years old, huh? My, you're almost full grown. One of these days you're gonna be off to college, and your mother and I will finally have a peaceful day in the house." the man chuckles, and a soft bell-like laughter is heard off screen.

"But, all joking aside, Happy birthday, Eren. You may be little in size now, but you bring so much happiness to those around you." The camera is tilted, and Eren's father moves to accommodate his wife into the camera vision. She smiles, her eyes shinning with love. The father squints to the left-hand side of the screen, probably checking to see if he was still in the shot. Then he turns his gaze to the camera again, wrapping an arm around his wife. "Your mother and I- We can't wait for the day when you are old enough to understand our heartfelt wishes to you on your birthday."

The father then reaches for the camera and pulls it close, as if he was pulling his son in close for a hug.

"Happy birthday," he says, his eyes shinning with love and adoration. "My son."

The screen clicks off. The happy video of a birthday celebration disappears into darkness. A figure curls into a ball on the sofa chair in front of the TV.

"Happy Birthday to me..." it whispers. then it shivers, crying.

"Daddy..."

 

* * *

 

 

To live free of regrets.

That was my greatest goal in life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I’ve followed through with it so far.

I have lived my life without regrets

 

 

 

 

Truth be told, it was an all-around good life...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...At least, it was supposed to be  
Yet here I am in sorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

As I inch  
ever nearer to death

 

 

 

 

 

I realize I have no one  
to share it with.

 

 

 

 

...I’m scared.

 

* * *

 

 

"The number of deaths has passed 5, 000. the Government has issued-"

"-Gotten so bad that Governor Noris has called for a state of emergency-"

"-Hundreds upon hundred of bodies covered the streets. My sister-"

"-nationwide panic has spread thanks to an informant inside the World Health Organization-"

"-we only barely got out alive. I don't think-"

"-latest vaccination tests have failed-"

"-Where is the food rations you promised?! Where's the military protection we-"

"-with the bureaucrats out of power-"

"-if we weren't run by some goddamn overlord-"

"-take necessary steps-"

"We might be able to help these people-"

"-Los Angeles is the latest city to be placed under quarantine-"

"What about our homes?! What about our families?!"

"-All residents are required to report to their nearest police station to receive-"

"You're not taking me! I won't let you-!"

"-Food rationing cards and new living quarters-"

"You can't do this-!"

"Its is the best solution. Until such time when we discover a vaccine to cure this disease, everyone must

follow martial law."

"-Why are you doing this-?!"

"Riots have continued since March 15*, ever since it was announced that rations were at an all time low-"

Mommy-

"A group calling themselves the 'Fireflies' have claimed responsibility for both attacks-"

-you said to just keep running.

"-Their public charter calls for the return of all forms of government-"

So, that's what I did. I kept running-

"demonstrations have broken out, claiming the lives of six known firefly members-"

And now I'm here. But here isn't safe. Here isn't much better-

"-You can still rise with us."

I was so much more safer out there. I knew the rules to surviving out there.

"Remember, whenever you're lost in the darkness..."

And I was with him...

"Look for the light..."

My light...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * quite the important day, you know. Julius Caeser was assassinated. Symbolic, I hope you know. Death of a leader of a new nation then, death of a nation here.


	2. I Can't Wait To See You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you know that some of the stuff in here is from the fragile dreams memory items. I won't say where, but they're there.

Prologue-1998

(Levi)

.

 

 

"hey, I hear its your birthday today, kid."

"Yep! Mommy said I can do anything I want today!"

"How old are you turning?'

"Three, sir!"

"Three? Wow! You're almost full grown!"

"Un!"

"well, Happy Birthday, kid."

"W-wait. um, sir..."

"Yeah?"

"Well...its just-"

"What?"

"Usually...you give someone a present...when its they're birthday, sir..."

"Oh? Trying to steal my money, brat?"

"Oh-I-I didn't mean to-"

"Heh heh. Just kidding, kid. Here, got something special for ya."

"What is it?"

"Its a marble, kid. A special marble."

"Special...?"

"Yep. A special marble for a special birthday boy."

"Wow! Thank you, sir!"

"You're welcome. Oh, and, kid?"

"Yeah?"

"Be good to your mom, Ya hear?"

"Un. Thank you!"

 

* * *

 

 

"Why are we here, Hanji?" I groaned. "Let just get back to the group. There's nothing-"

"Ssh!"

"-here. Its a _fair_ , for fuck's sake-"

"Be quiet! I hear something!" She hissed at me. She kneeled in front of a giant mechanical rabbit, probably the mascot for the fair. I kneel down beside her, poking my head over the rabbit. "I don't see anything," I said as I look at her. "There's nothing-" My eyes widened and my mouth closed abruptly as the sound of a child crying hit my ears. Hanji smirked at me. "See? Not going insane yet," she tapped her finger on her head. "Not now, Hanji." I said. I stalked forward around the mechanical body, moving towards a wooden box pushed up against a nearby wall. I paused behind it before I survey the fairground.

Two Runners, chowing down on the few dead bodies before they turned. My face twisted in disgust before my gaze shifted away. Not much else there. A few newly destroyed buildings, couple of places to get some supplies. I had almost missed what I was looking fro if it hadn't been for the runners racing from one end of my field of vision to another. Startled, I followed them as they raced straight into a door. A door that seemed to lead into the office building of the fair. A few Runners were trying to jump into the 2nd story window. My eyes narrow in confusion. Why were they-

My eyes widened slightly when the sound of crying hit my ears again. Ah. That's where the crying's coming from. I looked back over to Hanji and wordlessly signaled to her a message. She nodded, then disappeared behind the mechanical rabbit's body. I turn my gaze back to the two Runners in front of me.

_I need to take care of them._

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hello...?

 

 

Is anyone there?

 

 

...Guess not.

 

 

Well, I might as well. Its already recording.

 

 

 Okay, um...I'm on my way out to say goodbye to this world.

 

 

I didn't make it very far, but...

 

 

Even if I had only made it one step,

 

 

The longest that time has ever permitted me in anything,

 

 

I...had wanted...I had wanted to see this world with my own two eyes.

 

 

And...I want to leave proof here that _I_ _existed_ in the world.

 

 

So, if anyone is listening to this...

 

 

Please...

 

 

...Please...

 

 

...Remember me.

 

 

 

Remember that I was alive.

 

 

 

 

Dang, that was pretty gloomy...

 

 

  
I should've left it on a more positive note.

 

 

 

  
Ack!  
I'm almost out of t-

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I sunk my knife into the last Runner, silencing its moans forever. A glance out of the corner of my eye told me Hanji's done the same. I nodded at her, turning to cover her back as she opened the door. The sound of a child's heartbreak grows louder and muffles the soft squeak of the door. The floor creaks gently as Hanji steps forward. My eyes scan the fairground as she disappears into the building. I stay there until Hanji surprises me by pulling me into the dark room. "what-"

"Ssh!" She said. The door closes in front of me. "You need to see this." I looked up at her in confusion, but she's already moving on, confident I'd follow.

...

...

..."Tch." I groaned and followed after her, kneeling next to her behind a overturned desk. She took a look over the top of the desk before ducking again. She gave me a look, then jerked her chin to another overturned desk pushed against the wall to her right. She doesn't even wait then, moving quickly towards it. I shook my head but followed quickly after, bushing her up against the wall. I looked up at her in confusion as she peeked over the top of the desk. Puzzled, I narrow my eyes and tilt my head over the side of the desk.

On the other side of the dark room, A young child- a boy- wept. In front of him, propped up against the wall connecting to stairs, was a young woman. Her bluish-green eyes were blank as she stared off into the distance. She seemed to look through me...and her lips were upturned in a small smile. The boy sobbed beside her. My eyes widened slightly as I finally see the baby held in the woman's arms, the blood covering her legs. I almost jumped when she began to speak.

"There may...come a day...when you'll curse...being born into this world...Joel" She spoke clearly, speaking softly and, an almost tiredly way, to her child. But what was so creepy was the fact she wasn't looking at the child, and instead looking somewhere far away. "Though you're still so small...one day you'll wonder what you did to deserve this...so this message is for then." The boy sobbed beside her. He can't even _look_ at her, only at his bloodied fists clenching his pants. "You'll probably have plenty of bitter words to tell me. But...but I don't...I don't think...I don't think I'll be around by then...to listen to...your complaints." She finally looked down at her baby. "But I do want you to know how truly sorry I am. I just want you to believe this. Believe in this," she places a hand over her heart. "No matter what happens, all we...all you're father and I...all I ever wanted...was...for you...to be...happy." Her breaths are coming out in wheezes, racking her entire body. Yet somehow she musters the strength to bend over and kiss her child on the cheek.

"Happy...birthday...my love..." She sighed out. The her body goes slack, the last breath rattling her whole body before wrenching out her lips and fading away in an audible sigh. The boy beside her looked up then. His jaw falls in shock. "Noo-!" His scream is interrupted by Hanji when she comes over and wrapped her arms around him and covers his mouth with her hand. "Its okay!" She whispered quietly to him when he struggled is surprise. "We're friendly's!" He struggles fro a little more before falling slack, the fight leaving him. His tears run anew down his cheeks as I move past him and to the bodies. My fingers slid across their throats, checking for breath or pulse. I sigh painfully and run my hands through my hair when I find nothing.

Hanji soothed the boy, her fingers running through his hair as I shook my head at her. "And the baby?" she mouthed at me.

I shake my head again.

She takes in a deep breathe of air, letting it out slowly. She then grabs the boy's shoulder and turns him to face her. "What's you name?" she murmurs the question quietly.

The boy hiccups as he replies. "I'm-I'm-Eren-" His fist rubs the tears from his eyes, but also spreads blood around it. My mood sours as the thought that the blood was from the mother and the newborn child.

"Eren, huh?" Hanji said, a small smile on her face. "That's a nice name. I like it." She rested her hands on her chest. "I'm Hanji," She pointed to me over her shoulder. "And that mean old scary guy over there is Levi."

I snorted. 

The boy- Eren- hiccups again, but he's stopped crying, so I guess its a win for Hanji. "Who was your friend here?" Hanji asked quietly. "She-I-Alma-" and he hiccups again, faster than before. "Hey, hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you rethink that," Hanji apologizes, rubbing his arms gently. "Her name was Alma, right?" Eren nodded, his green eyes shinning. "That's a nice name...I'm guessing she saved you..."

The boy nodded again. I turned my gaze towards the way we came in.

 "...and she brought you here when she began to go into labor, huh?" Eren made a face. "Hanji...she said something about...water breaking..." Hanji nodded. "That means she went into labor."

I look at the body over my shoulder. "Must've been early labor...that baby's so small. Bet the stress got to her."Hanji murmured. Then she turned her gaze back to Eren. "Well, now. I want to ask you something, Eren." He snivels, then nodded. "What do you say to...coming with me and Levi?" I narrow my eyes at her, but turn back towards the door. My muscles tense as the door begins to shake, the Runners on the other side banging on it. I fumble for my gun in my back pocket.

 Somehow, Hanji's voice remains calm. "We have food and water. What do you say?" The boy sends a frightful look towards the door and looked back to Hanji. "Eren?" Reluctant, he nodded. "Alright. Good. Now, grab onto me," she instructed him, pulling his arms around her neck. "I'll hold you while Levi gets us out of this, alright?" I make a face at her and she shrugs. Groaning, I turn back towards the door.

_I need to get them out safely._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 I can't die yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 There's so much I want to say to you. 

 

 

I have to get home. I promised.

 

 

 I _promised_... I'd come home safe to see you again.

 

 

 But now that might never be possible.

 

 

 So at least, could I get _one_ more shot?

 

 

 _One_ more chance to make amends? 

 

 

 _One_ more chance to see you so I can say "I'm sorry"?

 

 

 Sorry for committing so many sins that I'll _never_ reach the place where you are...

 

 

 ...For not being able to keep my promise. 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Hanji..." I murmured, my eyes focused on the door. "Go upstairs." My mind quickly thought back to the second story window.

 "Upstairs?" Hanji asked quietly. Her Hands held Eren's face to her neck, hiding his view. But looking over my shoulder, I could see him shaking and jumping slightly as the door continued to bang. "Yes. Go upstairs. There's should be a second story window up there." She nodded. She turned to climb up the stairs, but paused at the first step. "What will you be doing?"

"Just get up the stairs and out the window." I take out my knife again. "I'll hold them off."

"What? Levi, no-"

"Hanji!" I hissed. "Just get him back to the group! I'll be right behind you, I promise." I cursed in my mind, the words of my mentor appearing in my head. _Promises get you nowhere, boy._

I pushed her back up the stairs. "Just...Go!" Hanji looked back to me once over her shoulder, her glasses gleaming, before turning and rushing  up the stairs. Eren's green eyes stared down at me before they disappeared upstairs. I turned back towards the door. But we took too long; the door banged open, the monsters coming inside. The first Runner ran straight into my face, and I fumbled to stab it in the neck. The second one appeared much slower than the first. But I dispatched it early enough to catch the sight of the others. "Shit!" I gritted my teeth. There were too many to think I had any hope of making it out alive by fighting them. what was taking Hanji so long? She should've been out of the window by now-

The sound of glass crashing hit my ears at that exact moment, and I immediately dart towards the stairs. A Runner reaches for me but I'm too fast for them. My leaping steps take me up the stairs in record time, into the only room whose door was open, and out the window. I crossed my arms over my face as I jump. quickly remembering the last time I attempted this feat, it turned on my back to save my shoulder for another day. But before my entire body is out of the window a Runner grabbed my ankle. My body is jerked and smacked against the wall. Grunting, I look down- or, well, up- at the runner and reach for my knife. But it slips from my fingers. "Shit!"

Was this where it ended? eaten by infected people while being hung upside down?

Apparently not, because all of a sudden a cloud appears where the Runners face was. The flour bomb Hanji made earlier. Nice. I hear screeches, and the hand around my ankle releases its firm clutch. I'm dropped fro the two story height onto -amazingly- the bushes underneath. I flinched at the onslaught of pain on my back from the awkward landing, groaning as I rise. Not giving me time to check for injuries, my mind quickly reminded me I'm running from my death in the form of infected people. Still, I fumbled as I get up. Hands grabbed my arms and helped me up, and I look up at Hanji. Hanji, with a frightened look on her face. "Get up, get up, get up!" she hissed at me.

"Where's the kid?" I groaned hurriedly.

"Here," a voice from over Hanji's shoulder said. Hanji turned to show me the boy getting a piggyback ride on her back. "Can you run?"

"...Yeah." I said. "Just, give me a quick sec-" the rest of the word is cut off as Hanji pulled me along, running as fast as she could. "We don't really have a second!" is all she says as she races off.

I tugged my hand free of her grasp and race beside her, the sounds of screeching and screaming following us as we disappeared into the nearby forest that we came from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, see? you won't believe how stressed I was writing the chasing scene. I don't usually write horror, so this is a new adventure for me as well as for you guys :) hoped you guys liked it anyway. Sorry for any grammar mistakes. This entire story so far is unbeta'd, so...sorry. Getting pretty interesting so far, right?
> 
> ...I hope.


	3. Dreams See Us Through To Forever

Chapter One:1999 and 2015

(Spring)

(Eren)

.

 

"He'll be safe...that's what matters right now, Hanji."

"But...but Eren-"

"Look, I know you care fro him. We all do. But we've got no choice."

"No choice?!"

"Hanji, please. Just listen to me-"

"We can smuggle in the child, but...only him. I made the case that-"

"Thank you! Thank you, that's...that's the best thing you could ever tell me."

"Nile!"

"What? Its the truth-"

"Shut up. Just...shut up."

"Okay! Damn!"

"Listen to me, now, Eren. That nice lady over there is gonna take you somewhere safe, alright?"

"Safe...?"

"Yeah...sweetie. somewhere...somewhere safe."

"Nile. Take Hanji back to the others. I've...I got this."

"Sure thing, Levi. Come on, sweet-cheeks."

"Listen to me Eren. This is your chance. You're one and only chance. I can't trust myself to keep you as safe as you would be here. There's been...too many...close calls, alright? Now just...please...-"

"Why doesn't Hanji want me to go?"

"She...she can't come with you if you go there."

"What about you?"

"Listen to me, Eren...none of us can go with you, okay? This is gonna be all you."

"What? But-"

"Don't pull the waterworks on me, brat. Don't make it harder than it already is."

"But...Levi-"

"Chibi...please. I'm begging you. Please...just stay here. Where its safe."

"But I was safe with you and Hanji and the others-"

"Please! I can't...I can't do this anymore. Please, Chibi. For me."

"Why-are you-doing this?"

"Its...the only way...I can know for sure that you'll make it out of this alive, Chibi."

"But what-about-about you?"

"I'll be safe. In this world, promises amount to nothing, but...please believe me when I say I promise I'll try." 

"Promise?"

"Yeah, kid. I promise. Just...please, Eren. Do as I'm asking...this one time."

"..."

"You'll meet people...actual people again, and not the infected. You'll make friends..."

"..."

"They'll be good people, people who don't look at you and feel...sad and ashamed for having to put you through all of this...people so much better than me..."

"..."

"You won't have to sleep with a gun beside your head every night. Please, Eren. For our sakes. For everyone's sake. Please..."

"...-alright-I'll-I'll go-"

 

A soft knocking on my door startles me from my dreams. Rubbing my eye at the bright light, I crawl out of bed and stumble for my door. I pause at the threshold to straighten myself as well as yell at the door. "Yeah. I'm going."

 I'm going.

 

* * *

 

 

In his words, "we only have two options."

 

 

Option one: we take the high road. The "easy way."

 

 

We be selfish and take our lives away from the ones that love us.

 

 

 In my words: We take the easiest way.

 

 We seek the painless course through the most painful action, because everything comes at a price.

 

 

Option two: We fight.

 

 

We fight to survive, to see the day where we can live again, to not wonder when or where our next meal was gonna come, to not worry if God was taking us to heaven or hell today.

 

 

He wasn't a big fan of option one.

 

 

The way he saw it, there were a billion ways we could've died yesterday, and...

 

 

...A billion ways we could die tomorrow.

 

 

So we fight.

 

 

 We fight to see the next sunrise, to see the stars again in the night sky.

 

 

We fight for every second we can wrench out from time's hands

 

 

So we can spend every last one of them with each other.

 

 Albeit it two minutes...

 

 

...or two hours.

 

We don't ever give up. Never.

 

 

Never ever.

 

I never gave up. 

 

 

He never gave up.

 

 

And yet...in the end...he did, didn't he?

 

 

Because...here I am...but where is he?

 

 

* * *

 

 

 "What happened?" was the first quiet murmured greeting Mikasa says to me when I opened the door. Armin smiled at me from behind her, waving his fingers.

"Hey to you too." I say, opening the door widely to let them in. Mikasa takes three steps inside before stopping, making Armin have to walk around her to sit at the dinning table. "You guys want something to drink?" I offer, moving to the small kitchenette to grab something. I pull out a few water bottles and set them on the table. "What happened?" Mikasa asks again before I can even move to sit down. My hand stills as it grasps a bottle. "Nothing." I say slowly. "Just...bad dreams."

"About the outside?" Armin asks. He's never been outside the walls, and, to my knowledge, neither has Mikasa. I nod as I sit, leaning into the back of the chair. "What brought you guys here?" I ask, my eyes on my fingers playing with the unopened cap on the water bottle. "Got some interesting news for you," Armin says. I flick my gaze up at him. "Jean's finally joined the fireflies, after much pushing and pulling from Marco's end. Said everyone would go crazy if he wasn't around to look out for them." I chuckle. "That right bastard."

 "Sasha and Conny said they were gonna make a run for supplies. They're gonna meet up at the drop-off with Deacon on the outside. You missed it; they left this morning."

 I open my bottle and take a sip. "I did say I wouldn't get involved."

Armin groans loudly. "Not this again, Eren! You're the only one with experience on the outside! If anyone could pull this off better than those two, its you!" I say nothing, but I still look away. "I've seen you do it, Eren. You far better than anyone else is, so why can't you-"

"I told you already!" I say, my voice rising. "I can't! Armin, I really can't!"

"You can handle it! So what's the problem?"

 "Is it that man?' Mikasa mumbles form her spot across from the table. My jaw hits the floor and my eyes widen when she says that. "How did-"

"You mumble some guys' name in your sleep." is all she says in explanation. Armin frowns in confusion. "Wait...are you talking about Lev-"

 "Don't!" I shout. "Don't...don't say his name..." silence fills the room at my outburst. Mikasa moves forward and runs her fingers through my hair. "You didn't hit your head when you woke up, did you?" I smack her hand away. "I'm fine, Mikasa." I rise from my chair. "Its Tuesday, right? There's gonna be people needing stuff from Area 5." I grab my leather jacket from the coat rack. pulling it on, I turn to my friends. "Come on," I say quietly, almost pleading. My eyes can't meet theirs. "Let's just go."

 

* * *

 

 

 

 I named my character "AAAA."

 

 

At the time I didn't really care, but halfway through the game,

 

 

When I thought about changing it,

 

 

I realized that...

 

 

...I was actually pretty attached to it.

 

 

Despite your bizarre moniker,

 

 

You still saved the princess, and,

 

 

Had the king hailing you and your stupid name.

 

 

...Come on, "AAAA."

 

 

Are you really going to vanish like this?

 

 

Are you okay with ending it all without even saving the world,

 

 

 Stuck with that name?

 

 

...I'm sorry, "AAAA."

 

 

I should have thought up

 

 

A better name for you

 

 

* * *

 

 

 "Let's hurry, Eren." Mikasa murmured behind her scarf. "We only have a few hours left until curfew."

"I know," I say, stuffing my hands into my jacket pockets. Armin jogs up beside me, opposite of Mikasa, who stands on my left. "Hey Eren," he begins. "Why do you wear a leather jacket? They don't keep you warm at all..."

  _"Hey, chibi, start wearing that."_

_"This? but Levi...why?"_

_"When the Runners come to chomp on you, they'll have a harder time chewing through the leather. Give you more time to kill 'em."_

 "They're stylish." I say. "Now keep up with me, Armin. The ration line may not be open yet, but-"

"Eren," Armin interrupts. "Look." he points over my shoulder at a group of soldiers. They had barricaded and sectioned off a part of the street, drawing the attention on a small crowd. On the other side, two people were kneeling on their legs. "Stand back!" A soldier yelled at someone. "Don't get too close," some warned. "They're a part of the fireflies."

 "Watch out for the military police," I whisper. "Keep moving."

 We push on, weaving through crowds and streets as we head for the check point. I flash our ID'S at the stationary guard. He checks them. "What's you're business here, fella's?" he looks at Mikasa. "And ladies." She glares at him.

"Visiting a friend, sir."

"Friend?"

"Older. Came to pay our respects." Armin supplies. The soldier nods. He hands back our cards. "Here. You're good to go-" One of the military cars in front of us explodes, and we all duck. "Get outta here!" the stationary guard yells, closing off the gates. Mikasa grabs my sleeve and pulls me away from getting any closer to the crossfires.

"What is it? Fireflies?!" One soldier shouts.

"No, rebels!"

"Fuck!" I proclaim as the sirens go off and a woman's voice blasts through the speakers, telling everyone that access to Area 5 was closed off. "We're gonna have to go around!" I race ahead, Mikasa and Armin following close behind. We run up the stairs of an old apartment building and head inside. We stop once we enter, Mikasa pausing to look around. "Looks like the coast is clear." I nod to Armin, who closes the door behind us. "So much for the easy route." I say. I crack my fingers, moving forward.

"They're probably going to close off all check points." Armin says. "We might have to go outside." I stop.

"Eren?" Mikasa prods. I wave her off.

Outside? I can't go outside. There were way too many memories out there, way too may moments I don't want to recall. Inside meant safety not only from the infected, but from my memories. Unless I wanted to retake a crash course in shitty-human feelings 101, I needed to stay inside.

But...if I don't do my job, than that means no ration cards, and no ration cards mean going to bed on an empty stomach. I wasn't really afraid of that, but I had Armin and Mikasa to take care of too. Did I really want to go to sleep tonight, forcing my friends to starve so I don't have to relive the past? Could I really live with that guilt?

But...

I kick a chair beside me, sighing. Scratching the back of my head, I turn my back to my friends. "Looks...looks like we're gonna have to go outside, guys." I can't look at them.

"Eren?" Mikasa asks again. I look at her. "Are you sure?" I stuff my hands into my jacket pockets. Taking a deep breath, I nod. "Got no choice. We need the rations."

Armin shakes his head."But Eren-"

"Stop." I say. I hold up my hand. "Don't, okay? I'm doing this for you guys, this one time, okay? Now just, please, don't make it hard on me."

_Don't make this harder than it already is, Chibi._


	4. There is No Fair, When It Comes to Survival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When life is tough, you gotta be tougher.

Chapter 1- 1994 and 2015

(Autumn and Spring)

(Levi)

. 

 

 The sound of Hanji's mother on the phone is louder than the sound of the TV in the living room that we were watching. We share a look; Hanji's eyes were painfully honest in a debauched way, pleading me not to ask about it. I shrug and look back at the TV. I hear her sigh softly in relief beside me.

"Dacey? Dacey, listen, okay? Listen to me. He is never allowed to see her again, and if I find out he's approaching her at school, I will get a warrant for his ass. Is that clear?" Her mother's voice is filled with irritation and frustration, the words seemingly ripped from her teeth. "He was the one who made it very clear when we divorced that he wanted nothing to do with her. I don't care if he wants to make up for it-"

I look at Hanji again, who ignores me and turns up the volume on the TV. Her mother's voice is drowned out by the sound of the cartoon cat and mouse chasing each other across the screen. The cat is armed with a hammer and tries to obliterate the mouse, but the mouse evades the cat easily and ducks for cover in a mouse hole. Hanji's laugh almost startles me when the cat somehow explodes and is covered in gray smoke. "I...I understand..." Hanji's mother says, walking into the archway to the living room from the rest of the house. Her voice sounds tired.

 "We'll talk about it tomorrow, alright? I gotta feed the two starving children in my house." Hanji pauses the TV at the mention of food, staring up at her hopefully. Her mother rolls her eyes and runs her fingers through her hair as she listens to the person on the other end of the phone. "Okay. See you then. Bye." She says fleetingly. She hangs up, but doesn't drop the phone. Instead, she moves back out of the room, calling to us. "Whose hungry for pizza?"

"Oh! Oh! Me!" Hanji jumps up and down excitingly. Her mother laughs. "I know you are, sweetie." She walks back into the room, patting her daughters cheek gently. "But I think the birthday boy should pick," she turns to me. Hanji pouts, but smiles again and looks to me as well. "Well? what do you think?" her mom says to me. "Pizza, or something else?" Hanji mouths behind her mother, hands held in prayer, begging for me to pick pizza. As if I couldn't see her.  I blink, then nod. "Pizza," is all I say, quietly.

"Okay," Hanji's mother smiles and rubs my head. "I'll go and pick some up then, alright? You two stay here and hold down the fort." she tells us. She grabs her keys off the kitchen counter and heads for the door. "Oh," she pauses, remembering something as she opens it. "Levi," I jerk my chin at her, acknowledging her statement. "Are you going to stay the night here, or are you going home afterwards?" My heart starts to beat frantically at the though of returning home. But it wasn't as though I could stay and take advantage of Hanji's hospitality.

I make to shake my head, but Hanji answers for me. "What, are you crazy? Of course he's gonna stay over here! Sleepovers are one of the best parts of a birthday party!" She laughs and wraps an arm around me. I nod hesitantly.

Hanji's mother smiles, one of her real smiles. The kind of smile that a mother wears; all bright and sunny and full of love, like a sunflower who's greeting the sun after a cold night. "Okay. You take care of each other, okay? I'll be back soon. Lock the door," She adds. Hanji steps forward to do as she says, kissing her mother goodbye. Leaving me to wonder if it really was okay.

"Okay! Now that's the parent's away, the mice can play!" hanji says cheerily. I stare at her. "That's not even right. And I don't think-"

"Pillow fight!"

 

* * *

 

 

"Psst, Levi!"

"What?"

"Happy birthday again!"

"That's nice Hanji, now go to bed."

"Psst! Hey, don't go to sleep yet! Let's stay up until your birthday's over!"

"Why?"

"It'll be fun! We can tell stories, we can sneak down and get cake-"

"Not interested. Good night, Hanji."

"Awww..."

"Psst!"

"What do you want now!?"

"I got you a present. Mom doesn't know about it, so I couldn't give it to you earlier."

"What?!"

 

"Here! Open it!"

"Hanji, its too dark. I can't see-" 

"Here's a flashlight. Now just open it!" 

 "...Hanji...what-"

"Do you like it?"

"How did you get the money to buy this?"

"I sold some drugs. I'm into that now."

"...coming from someone else, I'd doubt that, but I'm not sure about you."

"Ha ha. Now, do you like it?"

"...Yes."

"Good. Happy birthday, Levi. And good night."

"...'Night."

 That night, from the light of the moonbeams that shone from Hanji's bedroom window, a small dark-haired boy slept on the floor. An equally small, pale, white yang necklace glittered around his neck on a silver chain. Its black eyes gleamed in the darkness.

 

* * *

 

"Thank you for today." I say quietly. Hanji's mother smiles and reaches across the car to squeeze my shoulder. "Now, there's no need for none of that, ya hear? I should be thanking you." I look at her, and she chuckles. "It may have been your birthday, Levi, but you've given my girl the best gift anyone can give." She says, glancing to the bed of the truck, where Hanji was sleeping, her arm tucked under her head. "There are few who can handle her high spirited nature, just like there are few who can ride a mustang fresh off the range." She flashes one of her smiles at me, baring her teeth. "And its a damn understatement if I only said you can handle both."

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. "You got talent, boy. The rare kind. You're like one of those cowboys from the movies, except your real." I snort. She laughs. "Its true though. You've been hanging around my girl for years, you think I haven't noticed how special you are? Its rare for her to be friend with someone for so long, especially one like you." she strokes the leather of the steering wheel, thinking. I tilt my head.

"Like me?" I ask.

"Yeah, someone like you. I'll admit when I first saw you I thought you'd be one of those rich people who come rolling in and think we're mere bugs under their feet, and don't know what clean means." She looks over a time. "and like you had a ten-foot pole up your ass."  I blink wide eyes at her. "Now, don't you get soft on me, ya hear? I know you 11 year olds have way more pouty mouths than me. Trust me, I once was that age too." I open my mouth to retort, but close it again, knowing she was right.

"But back to my point. You...surprised me, kid. With all this stuff that's happened, you've kept a level head. You stuck out, Levi. And in my book, hell, you're a greater man than some." She keeps her eyes on the road, but her voice is warm. "And despite the shit you've got going on now, you drop everything whenever Hanji needs you. like a real friend."

"I...I know she'd do the same, Miss." I say quietly.

"Now, what's with all this 'Miss,'  eh? I think we've bonded enough. Call me Hannah." She says, reaching over again to me to shake hands. Hesitant, I take her hand and grip it firmly. "Now that's what I'm talking about, boy. A man needs a firm grip when he's greetin' someone." Her voice is proud, and I'll admit, my chest puffs up a little. "Here we are," She says, pulling up into the drive of my home. I glance at the dark house, not wanting to go in. But before I can open the door, Hanji's mom- Hannah- stops me.

"Now, with that strong grip of yours, think you can make me a deal?" I look up to her warily. Her gaze looks me in the eye.

"...What kind of deal?"

 "That's the thing about deals, kid." she says softly. "You don't know what they really are until you make 'em. But I can promise you that its simple."

I look into her eyes, contemplating. deciding I had no reason not to trust her, I reach out my hand. She grips it and shakes it. "Take care of my little girl, ya hear? Keep her safe." She keeps our gazes locked. "can you do that?"

I look at her, than Hanji, who turns over onto her other side. I look back at Hannah. "Yes." I say firmly.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Listen, sweetheart.

 

 

Tonight, I feel there’s so much I need to talk to you about.

 

 

It’s strange, isn’t it?

 

 

For all we know, I could be joining you as soon as tomorrow.

 

 

Today, our son’s getting married.

 

 

Actually, his wife...she reminds me a little of you.

 

 

They both seem happy.

 

 

Just like we were at their age.

 

 

But even so, I really am an awful parent.

 

 

I just can’t…accept it.

 

 

 

I bet you want to say I’m being silly.

 

 

They’re starting a whole new life.

 

 

So much to look forward to…

 

 

...And yet, to have it be stolen away like this...

 

 

...there’s no way I can accept that.

 

 

…But I know. No matter what I think about it, I have to give them my blessing.

 

 

 

After all, I’ll be the only one at the ceremony to congratulate them.

 

 

I know.

 

 

I know it’s wrong to think this way...

 

 

But I just can’t help...

 

 

...Are you listening up there?

 

 

If you…If you were alive…

 

 

Do you think you’d be able to smile and wish them well with a clear conscience?

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

"I can't deal with this anymore!" Hanji shouts, hands clapped over her ears. "I don't want this! I never wanted any of this!"

"Hanji, listen to me. We need to move-" I say, my tone pleading. I kneel in front of the mess that is what has become of Hanji. "No!" She shouts. "Leave! Just go, fucking go!" She growls at me. "I'm done! I am done with this fucking shit!"

"Hanji!" I reach out to grab her. She smacks my hand away.

"No!" She glares at me. "I'm not going anywhere! I don't care if I get eaten or turned or whatever the hell happens to me. I can't live in this world anymore!"

I look at her, ignoring the banging on the metal car shop door. Her entire body is shaking, her fear evident all over her. Her eyes are glancing at shadows in the corner of her eyes, and she keeps making these creepy moaning noises. Her teeth are clattering loudly, even louder than the moans on the other side of the wall. Hanji...she...she really can't do this...

It all hits me now; the build up to this point, the reasons why this was happening. It started when we said good bye to Eren- then shit hit the fan and we got separated from the group. And we've been on the run for years...and Hanji had been the pillar for me...but she...she...

Has her breaking point...too.

"Hanji." I say calmly. I grab her chin so she has to look at me, and she jumps. "Look at me, alright? Look at me," I say quietly, murmuring. I try to keep my voice as warm as it could be. "Do you see this?" I grab my necklace and pull it out from behind my shirt so she can see it. "Do you remember this?" She stares at the yin symbol for a while, before nodding. "You've got the other half, don't you?" I say, pointing at her neck. I grab it and pull it up slowly so we can both see them. I put the two pieces together. "You also remember the promise we made to each other, right?" She nods slowly, her sanity starting to fall back into place as she thinks. "We promised to...die together...because we were yin and yang..." She said slowly.

"That's right," I say, a small smile filled with hope on my face. "We said if one of us died, the other would, too."

 She nods.

"So, Hanji...wherever you go, I go to. And if you die, I'll die too. Do you want that?" I ask patronizingly. She shakes her head quickly. "Then don't die." I say. I rise up and pull out my gun, reloading it.

"Only," I look at her again at the sound of her voice. "Only if you break that promise!" 

 "What?"

 She bites her lip. "I said, I'll only promise to keep on living, if you break that promise. I...I don't ever want you to die..." she looks up at me. "So...So let's promise to live until we're 90!"

"What?!" I say, appalled. 90? In this day and age?. "Yep!" She says, reading my mind. "You can only die when you're 90, and that's in a bed surrounded by your loved ones, like in the movies!"

 I kneel down again, heartbroken by the childish hope in shinning in her eyes. "Hanji..." I say exasperatedly. "We-"

"Just..." she interrupts me. "Promise. Promise me this, and I swear I'll live. Deal?" she looks at me pleadingly. "The thing about deals...is that you never know what they really are until you made them...Hanji..." I say. Nevertheless, she offers me hand to shake. "Talk is cheap." She snaps. I sigh, and lay my hand in hers. "Now, come on," she says, grinning again. "Where's the strong man grip you use when you make a deal with a lady, huh?" I shake my head, recalling when her mother said almost the exact same thing. The funny part was that Hannah never spoke those words around her daughter ever since that night, so long ago.

As Hanji  rises and takes a deep breath, I fix her backpack on her shoulders. "See, that's why you were freaking out, Hanji," I say. "Your zipper was unzipped." she looks down. "Not there." I smack the back of her head. "Stop playing dumb." she grins, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Where are we gonna go, Levi? we've been searching for so long. I'm just so tired..." As I hand her a blade, my mind runs through all the options we had left.

We really had no where to run to. Nowhere to go, nowhere to stay. Well, there is one place...

"Hnaji." she looks up at me, twiddling her fingers.

"How do you feel about..." I say slowly, fiddling with my gun, nervous. "....About seeing Eren, again?"

Hanji's eyes light up.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are wonderful things thant make me squeal inside. So if your teacher asked you to make someone's day as homework, please review! :)  
> (Its' not cheating I promise)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poems used here is by William Blake Beckett and Pablo Neruda

Chapter 1- 2015 and 1999

(Spring)

(Eren)

.

 

"Okay, one of you two _has_ to know how to get outside," I say, gritting my teeth in frustration. Mikasa only shakes her head, further feeding the flame of my irritation. Armin shakes his head too, when I look at him. "The others were the ones who dealt with getting outside. I'm only the messenger." He says. "Mikasa never really showed much interest when they talked about the outside, so..." He shrugs. As if the matter is out of his hands. I groan and run my fingers through my hair, pulling the strands away from my face to reveal my forehead. I sigh as I consider my final option, thinking how it would play out.

"Eren?" Mikasa mumbles quietly. I realize how long I've gone without talking. I sigh again.

"I think I know of a way." Armin's eyes brightened in curiosity but remains calmly neutral. I hold up my hands. "But I'm not sure if it'll work, okay? And," I point a finger at my friends. "If it does, you need to listen to me, and do whatever I say, okay?" Mikasa says nothing, but Armin nods eagerly. "I'm not even kidding, guys. Just...remember that, okay? And keep quiet." My words come out through a series of exhausted sighs. Mikasa only jerks her chin down in a jerky nod, while Armin smiles. I groan and turn on my heel. "Follow after me so you don't get lost, either." I say over my shoulder at my best friends. I move down the hallway, hearing the simple click of Mikasa's boots, and the soft squeaks of Armin's shoes.

I'm really going to regret this, aren't I?

 

* * *

 

 

Remember me...

  
 ...But do not weep

 

  
As you approach  
 My own grave stone.

 For once I lived,

 And though feared death,

 

 

Still wrote this,

 So that the words swim your head.

 

 

And though I lay

Below your feet

 

I am so glad

That we could meet again...

 

 

And so with these

 Final words

 

 

I hope that you

 Can tell the world

 

 

That I once lived.

 

And thought and played

 

And worried of

 

My final days

 

 

 

 But rather then say

That I'm gone

 

 I beg of you

 To sing my song

 

 

So I may rest-

-Though not in peace-

-Because someone does-

 

 

-Remember me.   

 

* * *

 

 

"Umm, Eren...Where are we going?" Armin asks quietly behind me. His footsteps falter when I open a door into a room. Mikasa steps in beside me, hovering over my shoulder as we take in the room. A man laying on a sofa pushed against the far side of the room turns his head to look at us. His eyes narrow as he takes us in. "Who are you?" he growls out.

"Is this the type of greeting you give me?" I growl back. "After all these years?" I watch as the man's eyes light up and he swings his legs around to rest on the floor as he sits up. "Cheeky!" He says my old nickname cheerily. Before, I'd make a face, but now I look at him fondly. "Hey Jesse," I greet softly. He get up and walks over to me, arms open. "Now come here and give me a proper greeting," He says warmly. I smile widely and hug him, wrapping my arms around him and breathe in his smoky scent. Jesse doesn't smoke, but when you live near the outside and don't usually get supplies from the military, you kind of have to fend for yourself. Jesse harvested and delivered wood to people, and his coat always smells of burning wood and the outside- a scent I can never hope pin down, no matter how long I live.

Jesse steps back too soon, breaking the comforting and familiar hold. And though I won't admit it, I wipe a hand over my eye. "What brings you here?" he asks. "I need to get to area 5, Jesse. Ration cards are running low,  and I got mouths to feed." I explain. When all Jesse does in respond is blink at me I continue on. "The rebels are acting up again, and the milita's closed up the check point."

"Then just go another day." Jesse says. "Its not that important, is it?"

"I wish it wasn't," I say. "But I need to get the job done. Otherwise, someone else is gonna get the pay, and my friends will have to suffer." Jesse looks behind me, finally acknowledging Mikasa and Armin. "Are these your girlfriends?" He asks, looking at Armin warily.

"What?!" Armin says, shocked. "I'm not-" I hold up my hand to quiet him. "No," I says. "He's my friend. They both are." Jesse mumbles an apology to Armin and looks to Mikasa. "What about her?" He says. "She-"

"She can hold her own." I say quickly. "I can promise you that." Jesse sighs, and only now do I notice how tense his shoulders are. "How is she?" I ask warily, unsure if I want to know or not.

Jesse shakes his head. "Pissed, ever since you left." I furrow my eyebrows. "Yeah, yeah, I know the story. She was the one who sent you away."

"Then-"

"She really misses you," Jesse murmurs. "Even if she sent you away, you were like a son to her." I snort. Jesse rethinks his words. "Okay, more like the son of a nephew twice removed, but still. She loved you a lot." From the corner of my eye, I can see Armin looking at me curiously.

"What's her mood today?" I say, wanting to change the subject. "Circles, lines, or otherwise?" Jesse taps a finger on his chin, scratching his 5'oclock shadow. "Last I saw her was this morning, and she was pacing in circles, but little birdie's tell me its lines, now." He looks down at me again. "It could be otherwise, right about now." I inhale a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Thank you, Jesse." I say. I walk around him to the bookshelf against the wall, where a hole to underground was hidden. Armin and Mikasa follow after my heels, though Armin took a second before following.

"Wh-wait, Eren!" I look at Jesse as I place my hands on one side of the bookshelf, getting ready to push. My friends follow suit. "Are you sure you want to do this right now?"

"Got no choice," I say, then grunt out my words as I push. "I've got mouths to feed."

Jesse looks to Armin and Mikasa. "I hope you realize how important you are to him, you two," He warns them. "There are few who'd risk seeing Tina right now."

"Tina?" Armin asks. He stops pushing to look at Jesse. "Yep."  Jesse places his hands on his hips. "Tina, the queen of the underground. Rumored she's so scary even mean old rats wouldn't mess with her on a good day." Armin asks another question as we push the bookshelf to reveal a dark hole.

 "How'd she know Eren?" Armin asks. "This Tina?" Jesse look to me, but my back is turned. Yet I can still feel his eyes boring into my shoulders. "Now, that's business that's not my place to say, and I ain't no gossip, even in my old age. I can, however, tell you he's been with her ever since I took up this position. And that was, what," He addresses the question to me. "10? 12 years ago?"

"Try nine," I say, dusting off my hands. "Right, right. I keep mixing up the numbers, you see? This little brat was 8 when I first met him. Had the meanest glare I'd ever seen before." Jesse snatches me in his arms and rubs my hair rigorously. "But then I realized it was all just an act, and he's only the softest, wimpiest kid I've ever seen." Jesse chuckles at my attempts to get loose. "Did you know he was afraid of spiders?"

"What?" Armin says shocked. "I never knew." Jesse's arm hides my blush, and, mad, I bit him. It finally gets me loose, but that's only because  Jesse is laughing too hard. "Aw, he's like a cat- a bite not much better than his bark." I glare at him, which only makes him laugh harder. "You've been getting soft, kid- now it only looks like you're a cat that just fell into a pool of water." He pats my head. "Oh yeah?" I say. "And you just look like some big, hairy bear. Don't you ever shave?" I smack his hand away.

He places it over his heart. "Aw, kid, that's going too far now. I only wanted to lighten up the mood." he says, his expression falling into mock sadness before stretching into a smile. "We've really missed you around here, Cheeky." I smile at Jesse again. "Now, you better get going. And be careful down there, ya hear? don't want no accidents to happen, or I might lose my job."

"Wait," Armin interrupts. "What do you do, anyway?"

"Me?" Jesse points to himself, seemingly shocked that Armin would ask. "Well, I'm the protector of the entrance into the gates of hell. Or is it heaven?" Jesse mulls over his words briefly. "Depends on how you look at it. But either way, I'm like the Chiron guy from mythology." Seeing Armin's blank stare, Jesse rubs the back of his neck. "Ah, I guess you don't know about him..."

"I was born inside the walls, and I've never been outside." Armin explains in a monotone voice.

"what?" Jesse look at me, alarmed. I nod. "Armin's the youngest of us. Just turned fifteen." I Point to Mikasa. "She's turning sixteen soon." I point at myself. "Seventeen. I'm actually the oldest, besides a few others in our group."

"Group?' Jesse asks. I nod. "There's 9 others of us."

"Us?"

"We're a small delivery group." I explain. "Armin was actually the one to form it, after meeting the others. We saw the good it would do and agreed. Been doing it for four years." I offer my hand to Jesse. "This is where I have to say goodbye, Jesse." I look him in the eye. "I need to get going." Jesse nods, looking down. His hand takes mine in a warm, firm grip, and he grins. "Still got that firm grip, huh?"

 "Something never change. Even after so long, I guess." I say. "Well, I'm glad that this hasn't, Cheeky." Jesse says. "One more for the road?" He opens his arms. I raise an brow. "Come on now, Cheeky. I probably won't see you again after this." Sighing, I relent, holding him tightly one last time.

"Okay-Kid-You're-choking me-" Jesse chokes out. "Oops," I apologize, but squeeze harder. "Cheeky-brat-" Jesse groans out. I laugh and let him go. He grabs me by the shoulder. "Promise you'll swing by again and give an old man someone to chat with?"

I raise a brow again. "Thought you said you weren't one to gossip, Jesse." Jesse groans. "Come on kid. Please?" But I shake my head. "Sorry, Jesse. In this world, promises won't do me any good, even to an old friend. Unless I want to end up dead." Jesse sighs, and lets go. "I know." I gaze up at him. "I...can tell you, though...that I'll try." Jesse smiles.

"That's good enough for me, kid." And he waves us goodbye as I grab Armin's and Mikasa's hands and leap over the edge.

 

* * *

 

 I want you to know one thing.

You know how this is:

If I look

At the red branch of the slow autumn at my window-

If I touch near the fire

The impalpable ash-

Everything carries me to you,

As if everything that exists-

Aromas, light, metals-

Were little boats

That sail

Toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,

If little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly

You forget me

Do not look for me,

For I shall already have forgotten you.

  

* * *

 

 Armin grunts loudly as he lands on one of the mattresses they placed at the bottom. Mikasa lets a small noise, more of like a sharp release of air as she lands on her back.

Me?

I land on my back just like them, but quickly roll onto my feet as soon as I land. experience told me I never wanted to remain down in the mattresses fro long. No one really pays attention to what they throw down here, and there are a _lot_ of weird people in the underground. I quickly moved as far as I could away and felt my way through the darkness to find a light.

 And I think Armin's starting to gather his wits, too, because he hisses and I can hear the slap as he covers his nose. "It stinks down here," he groans. "Yeah," I say, feeling the wall I found in front o fme. If my memory surveys, the switch should be...

"Ah god..." Armin hisses as the light comes on brightly, his eyes smarting as he tries to adjust. I look back to see Mikasa lying with her arms at her side, getting used to the light. I start to get a little worried before she rises and blinks at me, and I realize she though I was beside her. As if trying to fix her brief lapse in guard duty, she rises and walks hurriedly to my side. Armin, however, is squealing at the trash around him. "What the hell?" He says, appalled.

"Yeah..." I say again.  "I think you should get out of that before you get infected with something." Armin hurriedly gets up and trips on his way out. I offer him a hand and he takes it, getting up. I dust his pants off. "Where are we?" Armin asks, looking around him.

 "The underground," I say. "We can get to the outside through here. But we need to chat with Tina, first."

"Why?" Mikasa asks. I send her a look.

"You don't really think we'll be able to survive like this?" sarcasm drips in my tone. "No guns, no weapons? And plus, you two need some new jackets- those might keep you safe from the cold, but they won't save you from a bite." I start down the dark hallway. Mikasa and Armin keep up easily with my quickened dark strides.

"Hey Eren..." I look over my shoulder at Armin. "What was that up there?" I continue walking, taking my time in answering him. "He...was someone from before. I knew him-and Tina-when I first came here." I can see the confusion in Armin's eyes even in the darkness. "See, remember how I told you I can in from the outside?" Realization dawns in his face. He asks no more questions and continues following me down the dark hall. Our footsteps echo and ricochet off the walls as I follow a path I can remember even in my sleep. Mikasa's shoulder brushes often against mine and Armin's; probably to assure both of us that she was here. My stomach blossoms with warmth.

Warmth that I can only recall from long before.

 

///

 

"What are you doing, Chibi?" Levi asked. He sits across from me as I try to lit a fire and watches my failed attempts at lighting the wood. "I-I-I'm cold," I said. "So I'm li-lighting a-a fire-e."

"You know you'll never light a fire like that, right?" Levi said. His tone was stern. I glared up at him before re-attempting to light the fire. I knew he was right, I just didn't want to _admit_ it. My pride will get stung if I allowed him the satisfaction of being right. "Y-yes, it w-will." I said forcibly through my clattering teeth. I rubbed my stones together again. I heard Levi sigh irritably before hands snatched away my fire wood. "Hey!"

"Don't ever let your pride get the best of you, brat. It may leave you cold on the floor dead." Levi snapped as he examined my piece of wood. "And don't lie to me." I pouted and threw the stones on the ground, crossing my arms. Levi gave me a look. I turned my head sharply away from him to watch Hanji and the others set up camp.

 "Brat." I don't move. "Brat, pick up the rocks."

I stubbornly keep my gaze on the others. And for my efforts, I get a face full of snow.

"If you really want to be cold, I can tear off all your clothes right now and leave you out here for the night," Levi hissed. "Do you want that?" Startled and a little bit afraid I nodded at him. He sighed, and a hand reaches up to rub his face. "I'm sorry, Chibi," he apologized. "I'm...stressed." I blink at him and my eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Its not easy taking care of Chibi and the others." I tilt my head and notice the suddenly blaringly obvious line of stress on his face, and look over at the others. Hanji was yelling at Nile over the fallen tent while Irwin was trying to keep her calm. I turn back. "Yeah...I can see." Levi splays his fingers on his face so he can see me, and if I looked a certain way I could see a brief flash of gratitude in his eyes.

"Com 'ere." He beckoned.

I scoot closer to him on the fallen tree and watch as he pulls out a piece of bark. "Burch wood," he explained. "it catches, no matter how cold it is." Levi rubbed the stones together and a spark flies and catches on the wood. "Now you grab a little bit bigger things," he instructed, grabbing nearby sticks and twigs and tossing them over the small flame. I watched in amazement as the twigs catch and the fire grew bigger. "Until you can finally place the wood on there." He placed my piece of wood on top of the fire and after a few moments it catched. "Just like that."

"Wow..." I murmured in astonishment. "That's amazing." Levi snorted, pleased. "Hope you remember how to do that, Chibi. I'm not telling it twice." I bump his shoulder in retaliation before settling close to the fire. For a while, we sit there in silence, watching as the camp is set up and Hanji starts making her own fire so she can heat up water for the soup. Irwin and Nile converse over the map, making sure where we were and how to get to where we wanted. The sound of wood snapping and cracking fills my ears as I watch our group. From the corner of my eye I notice Levi shift his feet. Then I feel his shoulder lean on mine softly; an offering. I look up at him and he opens his jacket a little. "There's room." I grinned.

I snuggled into his side and felt his arm wrap the jacket folds around me. I felt his strong grip as he held it there; warm and comforting like hot chocolate. My stomach blossoms with the same warmth, or maybe its because I watched Hanji pour our meal into the bowl and start to cook it. I turned buried my nose into his shirt and he shivered. "You're cold, brat."  He stated, but his arms start to rub up and down my shoulders to get me warm again.

"I told you that."

 

///

 

"Okay," I start to say after the long silence. "I need you two to stay quiet, you hear? Don't say anything. Just let me do the talking." I look both of them in the eye. "Tina doesn't take too kindly to strangers." Armin nods his agreement while Mikasa answers with her stoic silence.  

 "Good." I say firmly. "Now follow me."

We enter the small center of the underground; the place where all the tunnels connect. If you didn't know your way, you'd instantly become lost and confused, but I knew where I was going. I head straight for the middle, where a small market was set up. I mutter the rules to refresh my mid as I lead my friends to my past. _Don't look anyone in the eye, kid, unless you want to fight._ I dodge a quickly moving shadow before continuing at a brisk walk. _And don't buy anything. God knows you'll ever need anything they sell done here._ I speed past the stalls and with a quickly glance over my shoulder make sure my friends are keeping up. Mikasa is right beside me, and she's holding Armin's hand so he doesn't get lost. Thank god.

_And one more thing..._

I turn again and bump into someone. Well, more like they bump into my neck(not trying to boast here but I am quite tall) and I grunt. The one who bumps into me steps back and very calmly whips out a gun.

_Don't mess with the Bruja Tina. She ain't taking any of your shit._

My green eyes look down the barrel of the gun before meeting brazen brown eyes. Bushy, curly hair frames and oval face whose jaw's set in a firm line. Recognition flashes briefly in the dark gaze and the gun cocks. "What are you doing here, kid?" Tina says bluntly, pressing the gun into my forehead. "Did I not make it clear enough that I never wanted to see you again?"


End file.
